Cycles
by kashii
Summary: A set of three drabbles that explores how Yamato Ishida's experiences in the digiworld shaped his character. Minor hints of Yamachi if you know where to look, but it's not prevalent.
1. Starting Point

**Title:** Starting Point  
**Characters:** Yamato Ishida  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own the characters from _Digimon_, but I'm not making any money off this.  
**Word Count:** 290  
**Rating:** PG  
**Spoiler Warning:** I'm assuming everyone already knows that Yamato and Takeru's parents are divorced.  
**Summary:** Everything has a beginning; it helps mould who we are.

"Who do you want to live with?" they'd asked him, and he'd chosen his father. He liked that they thought he was old enough to choose, and that he had some kind of power over his life even now. It was a pity that Takeru wasn't coming with them, but even at his young age he knew that his mother needed someone too.

He didn't hate his parents, despite what they thought. It was only natural; feelings were feelings, as fickle as that implied. He did hate, though, how many things had to change because of what was now normal. He hated that he'd had to use a new key, memorise a new phone number, and endure new people.

Odaiba wasn't horrible, but it wasn't home. He missed having a cat, not having to use an elevator, and getting lifts to school. It took him a very long time to adjust to everything new, and in the end he avoided making friends. Knowing his luck something else would change and they'd have to move again.

But things didn't change. His dad got a new job, which he must have loved because it ate up a lot of his time. Yamato learnt how to cook after lots of failed attempts, and started taking over most of the housework. He didn't hate his dad, and relished every moment they got to spend together, but he didn't feel complete.

"Maybe you should go to summer camp," his dad suggested one morning as Yamato buttered his toast. "It would get you out of the house, you could make new friends...?"

"I'll think about it," Yamato promised, and handed his father his briefcase.


	2. Wraiths and Faeries

**Title:** Wraiths and Faeries  
**Characters:** Yamato Ishida  
**Disclaimer:** The lullaby is mine, the characters are not. Watch out for fluff.  
**Word Count:** 776  
**Rating:** PG  
**Spoiler Warning:** I'm assuming everyone already knows that Yamato and Takeru's parents are divorced.

In the beginning he'd hated it there. There was something to be said for being known as "the loner kid", and he liked the privacy and space he got from it, but at summer camp everyone was in everyone's face all the time. It was making him feel light-headed and sick. In fact, if he hadn't known that Takeru was going he probably wouldn't have agreed to come.

"Who wants to play soccer?!"

Yamato groaned. He was sick of that bushy-haired, loudmouthed kid asking the same damn question every five minutes. Maybe if he was lucky someone would agree to kick the ball around for a while and he'd shut up.

"Hey, Yamato, was it? You wanna play?"

He raised his head and met the soft brown eyes of the boy in front of him. Very carefully and precisely, so the moron would understand, he replied in the negative.

"Aw, don't be like that. It'll be fun."

...and the next thing Yamato knew, he had been pulled off his rock, shoved in the goal and _grinned at_. Head spinning, he looked around the field. It seemed that somehow the freak had managed to coerce everyone in the general area into participating, even the nerdy kid and the worrier.

For a moment, Yamato wondered if he even remembered how to play soccer.

* * *

"...hey, I didn't teleport us to this weird place! Look, why don't we split up and take a look around?"

"Yeah, that's a _smart_ thing to do: seperate us in case something happens. You're not a very responsible leader, _Tai_."

"I wasn't aware I was being _promoted_ to leader, _Matt_."

"Will you two just shut up for a second?! It doesn't matter who is in charge. It's getting dark and I think we should try to set up some shelter."

"Sora is correct," Izzy interjected. "Also, judging by the colour and arrangement of the clouds, it wouldn't be unreasonable to expect rain."

"We can camp out under those trees," added Sora, pointing. "Their leaves are huge. We'll definintely be dry under there."

As the group parted momentarily to look for dry wood, Taichi and Yamato avoided looking at each other.

* * *

Yamato looked out over the lake, frowning. He'd never been so angry or as confused as he had in the last few days. When he'd lost his mother and brother to divorce he'd gotten into the habit of not relying on anyone else, but that stupid kid kept getting under his skin. He didn't even care who led the group, so why did he keep fighting every decision Taichi made?

Sighing, he slid his precious harmonica out of his pocket and began to play. Random tunes at first; then he remembered a lullaby his mother had sung to him when he was little and started picking out notes. In less than no time he'd remembered the entire song and figured out how to play it.

The melody was a little haunting without words, but Yamato sung them in his head. _...away with the spirits, my love/they'll give you gossamer wings/fill your dreams with light and hope/and in the gentle light of the moon/dance, my love, in the faerie ring..._

"That's a really amazing melody." Taichi's quiet voice startled Yamato and he dropped his harmonica, wincing as it bounced on the rocky ground. "Oh, sorry."

"It's okay," the blonde sighed. "I'm just a little distracted at the moment."

"I can tell," said Taichi, only half-joking. "You're not yelling at me." He bent to pick up the tiny instrument, and Yamato closed his eyes. "What are you doing out here, anyway? It's not safe. A rogue digimon could attack you at any time."

"My mother used to sing to me when I was little," Yamato said abrubtly. "The tune you heard is from an old lullaby."

"It's really hard for you, isn't it?" Taichi asked curiously.

"What is?"

"Seeing your brother again."

Yamato sighed. "It's been a while."

"You don't need to worry about him, Matt. He's strong enough to look after himself."

"Maybe he's stronger than all of us," Yamato mused.

"Hm?"

"Oh, nothing. Just thinking out loud."

Crickets chirped as they watched the moon rise over the lake.

"You should come back to the camp," the brunette said into the silence, not looking over.

"I will. In a minute." Yamato held his hand out, and Taichi gave him back his harmonica.

"Could... would you mind playing the music again? It sounds familiar."

Yamato allowed him his lie and raised the instrument to his lips.

_...sleep and dream peacefully/for in the morning when you wake/you'll find you're safe from harm..._


	3. Conclusion

**Title:** Conclusion  
**Characters:** Yamato Ishida  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own the characters from _Digimon_, but I'm not making any money off this.  
**Word Count:** 322  
**Rating:** PG  
**Spoiler Warning:** None.

After summer camp was over and they'd all gotten back home, Yamato wondered whether he'd be alright. While meeting the digimon had been fun, having to come to terms with his problems hadn't. He wasn't sure whether it was the presence of the other kids or whether it was one in particular, but he knew that he wouldn't be able to continue pretending he was okay. Fact of the matter was that he kept having dreams of what had happened in the Digital World, and how close he had unwittingly gotten to the others. He'd let them down once or twice, but they hadn't abandoned him and he needed that stability now. He craved it, he realised with amusement, like a battle-weary digimon craves food.

Looking around the apartment only served to reinforce his complete isolation. No kid ever kept their room so tidy, nor their posessions so well organised. It was natural to have some kind of chaos. Yamato had grown up too quickly, trying to distance himself from the other children so he hadn't had to interact with them. He didn't _understand_ them, too eager to play and quick to forgive. Yamato held grudges. His longest one had actually been with Taichi, although in real time they hadn't exactly had time to fight. He realised with a start that he missed fighting with the brunette, temper as wild as his hair and quick to react to any percieved injustice. He missed the adrenaline rush of living under your own power, but in harmony with others. With friends.

He needed to call someone. Taichi maybe, or Sora; _anyone_ to convince him he was still alive, that he hadn't died when they'd left the Digital World. Or maybe he had dreamed it all? Maybe Gabumon and Patamon and Agumon and all the others didn't really exist. How could he be sure? Yamato pinched himself hard and picked up the phone.


End file.
